Officially PAU (with the PhD)
Auē, e kala mai, excuse the dust settling on this blog. So much life has happened since my last post in April, and I am only now taking a moment to sit and reflect on it all. Of course, as you can tell from the title of the post, one of the major milestones from the past four months is the completion of my PhD program. Phew. That alone required more than three to five business days to recover and reflect. On May 16, I defended my dissertation in front of a small group of family and friends and my amazing committee of scholars from Hawai‘i and the U.S. continent. I remember feeling simultaneously proud yet terrified to have reached that point in the dissertation process and anxious to write again and incorporate the committee’s revisions. Those, of course, took me a little longer to complete, but I finally filed my dissertation in early June and walked in UCLA School of Education and Information Studies’ graduation ceremony on June 14.
Graduation was a whole other beast. I made a lot of lei and a kihei in preparation for the big day. To make it, I cut a 1.5-yd piece of unbleached muslin, hemmed it on all four sides, ironed it, then printed it with plants from around my aunty’s house. I used the four-stage Ka’ao framework from the University of Hawai‘i system to represent my learning and growth over the past four years:
Hua (seed): my “why” for pursuing education is Hawaiʻi [the blue triangles made from banana stems = Nā Kuahiwi ʻElima, five symbolic mountains across Hawai‘i and the blue half circles are Hawaiʻi’s surrounding water]
Haʻalele (start): the move to California [blue diamonds made from breadfruit = Moananuiākea, the vast Pacific Ocean]
Huakaʻi (journey): the ups and downs of my PhD years [yellow triangles made from banana and ti leaf stems]
Hoʻina (return): returning ʻike to the Lāhui Hawaiʻi through research, teaching, service [yellow circles made from kalo and ti leaf stems]
On the day of graduation, I wore this kihei with pride over my doctoral regalia, and I felt the strength of all the people and stories that contributed to my PhD woven in its fabric and paint.
The ceremony itself was simple yet impactful. A live stream was set up at the last minute for loved ones who could not attend in person because of the looming threat of ICE. On the same day, millions around the country — and down the street at the federal building on Wilshire and Veteran — protested the federal administration, proclaiming “No Kings” in a “supposed” democratic nation. Professors articulated their own stances, wearing “STOP DEPORTATIONS” stoles on their regalia. Students held banners and made political statements through their caps and gowns. Amidst the pain and fear and chaos caused by the racialized separation of families and communities, there was hope on this campus.
I am so grateful to my UCLA SEIS ʻohana for educating me, enlightening me, and contributing to my liberation and radicalization. I would not be where I am today without the critical lens that I developed because of my time in the master’s and PhD program, and I am so deeply appreciative to my co-advisors Dr. Daniel Solórzano and Dr. Robert Teranishi for providing the opportunity to self-determine my life.
Now that I am officially pau with the PhD, I have a few final words for Kanaka ʻŌiwi — and especially wāhine ʻŌiwi — interested in pursuing a doctoral/professional degree. First, hull ka lima i lalo (turn the hands down). Embrace the work of learning and growing. Do not be afraid of it, and if writing or theorizing for an academic audience becomes overwhelming, turn your hands down and aloha ʻāina. Return to the land. Get dirty. Sweat a little. Be in the sun. Remember what is really at stake in your work. Second, pali ke kua (straighten the back). Stand firm in your ‘ike. Know yourself, and know your people. You have generations of kūpuna backing you up, and generations of keiki looking to you. Lean on them, and they will lean on you. Third, ʻo ke kahua ma mua, ma hope ke kūkulu (the foundation first, then the building). Set up a firm foundation of ʻohana. Learning is a social process. Remember to mahalo those who helped you get to each milestone. Fourth, holomua and hoʻomau (move forward and persevere). You can do this. Your Lāhui is with you. I mua.
ʻOia wale nō. Mahalo kākou.
